Last weekend I had the pleasure of presenting at the UCLA conference on How People Change: Relationships and Neuroplasticity in Psychotherapy. I was among some of the best of the best: Dan Siegel, Irvin Yalom, Peter Levine, Bruce Perry, Mary Pipher, Bonnie Goldstein, Pat Ogden, John Norcross, Russell Meares, Margaret Wilkinson, Dan Hughes, Jessica Benjamin, and Allan Schore.
I must admit, it was difficult to maintain my cool in the presence of so many I admire. As a result I apparently misspoke.
Participants heard me say that mindfulness practice is ill-advised because it reduces empathy. Clearly this notion disturbed the mindfulness meditators in the audience, and I can understand their dismay because it is not what I believe or intended to say. I would like to correct any mistaken impressions posthaste.
Having myself been a long-time Vipassana meditator and even once a teacher/facilitator of Vipassana (mindfulness) practice, I am an advocate of insight meditation, in both formal and informal practices. I have given presentations on Vipassana meditation and have cited the many research findings that show the astounding neurobiological effects this and loving-kindness practice provide. In no way is mindfulness connected in my mind with reduced empathy. To the contrary, I wholly believe it contributes to increased empathy as well as to increased capacity for self-regulation and interactive regulation with others!
The point I initially attempted to articulate (and tried to clarify during my panel discussion with Dan Siegel, Bruce Perry, and Peter Levine) was this: I have personally witnessed some partners in couple therapy use a meditative self-regulatory strategy during periods of mutual distress. This strategy can prove disastrous to mutual regulation of distress when only one partner employs it. The result tends to be sustained misattuned moments that lead to dysregulated states in the other partner. The reason, I suspect, is that the meditating partner is not responding to signals in real time and becomes too still, unresponsive, and even still-faced. I also have witnessed some supervisees practice meditation while doing therapy (without informing their patients), which caused problems for the patients, who found themselves dealing with an under-responsive therapist.
The fact that I conveyed anything other than what I have stated here is deeply regrettable to me. My hope is that some who were at the conference will be able read this blog with nonjudgment, acceptance, and compassion, and recognize that in fact we are not living in different realities.
© 2013 – A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® – all rights reserved
Lizbeth Hamlin said,
March 12, 2013 at 3:04 pm
Oops! Stan, I was not there, but reading your post brings such tender compassion. I have also witnessed so many long time meditators whose affect is so flat and can’t attach….blessings, Lizbeth
Tori Olds said,
March 12, 2013 at 5:43 pm
I TOTALLY agree, Stan. While it’s always a good thing to be as mindful as possible, going into a specific practice to the point that you loose awareness of your partner can be a problem (one I have also seen). Thanks for bringing it onto the table!
boulderemotionalwellness said,
March 12, 2013 at 11:03 pm
I heard your talk and I understood your point. The flatface of a meditator could surely induce feelings of abandonment. You did fine, and thank you for an excellent talk!
stantatkinblog said,
March 13, 2013 at 1:06 am
Thank you! I can’t remember what I said so that helps.
Victoria Cooper said,
March 13, 2013 at 4:05 am
Hello Stan,
I was not at the conference but I laud
you for your clarity and your courage to
come forward to explain just exactly
what you were aiming to convey. Anyone
who knows you or is familiar with your
work will surely understand what you
meant!
Best,
Victoria Cooper
Lale Akat said,
March 13, 2013 at 11:39 am
your work is brilliant and your “down to earth” explanation makes you “bigger” than the big…
barefootlotuss said,
March 14, 2013 at 2:09 pm
Stan, I hope you can feel better soon about this mishap. Best wishes,
Archana Shannon
Annette Kreuz said,
March 17, 2013 at 11:15 pm
I think you are SOOOOOO right
, you know why. No worry, you are convincing and respectful.
Chloe Montclaire said,
March 19, 2013 at 11:01 pm
Hi Stan,
I think that you make a very important point – the neutral observer, detached place of meditation could be very unnerving in a therapy situation. I got so much out of your presentation, and hope to bring some of your amazing ideas into my work with couples.